Greenville, SC - The two candidates were scheduled for an, ‘old fashioned fist fight’ this morning at, Tommy’s Country Ham House.  The two agreed to fight after knocking into one another backstage during last night’s debate. According to a source close with Romney, the former Massachusetts governor had his watch set two minutes fast and upon the scheduled fight time yelled at his campaign bus driver, “He’s not showing, drive, drive, drive!”

The Gingrich campaign posted the picture below to twitter shortly after arriving to an empty Tommy’s parking lot, with the caption, “@SouthCarolinaVoters , #PussyRomney squealed out of here, looks like we’re back on top bitches!”

DES MOINES, IA - Two weeks after Iowa Republicans declared Mitt Romney the winner of the state's caucus by a razor-thin margin of eight votes, a new certified tally by the Iowa GOP confirms that Fmr. Vice President Al Gore was the real winner in the close contest.  According to those close to Mr. Gore, the former veep feels "vindicated" by the results.

Looking for votes wherever he can, Gov. Jon Huntsman (right) delivers a speech on renewable energy sources at the orbiting Hilton Hotel and Space Station.

THE WHITE HOUSE - Vice President Joe Biden (above, right) inadvertently cleared out three rows of guests during an event in the East Room early Wednesday, by repeatedly shouting, "Atta boy, boss!" and "You tell 'em, Barry!" during President Obama's prepared remarks, until there was no one left sitting near him.

DES MOINES, IA - With the Iowa Caucuses 24 hours away, nearly every candidate in the race downplayed expectations of victory by predicting a loss of historic proportions.  "I have every confidence that I will lose in Iowa and lose badly," remarked Mitt Romney, who maintained a very slim lead in the polls.  "Let's not forget: I am a Mormon running in a heavily Evangelical state.  I'd really be lucky just to crack the top three.  How much you wanna bet I'll lose?"

At his Des Moines headquarters, Rick Perry told reporters, "I bungled this campaign from day one.  People approach me here in Iowa telling me they've never seen such a poorly-run operation or such a disappointing candidate.  I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning this thing."  Perry added, "Pack up and go home, folks.  It just ain't gonna happen."

Newt Gingrich was similarly pessimistic about his chances.  "I've been vastly outspent on TV, and I'm taking attacks from all sides.  I can guarantee that tomorrow night, I'll suffer a loss in Iowa of historic proportions," promised Gingrich.  "So at this point, anything above last place will be a miracle and would constitute a victory." 

COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA - Newt Gingrich tried to explain away his recent emotional outburst Saturday night.  The former House Speaker had teared up while talking about his late mother at an event on Friday.  The next day, he told some of his business donors at a fundraising gala that someone had placed an onion in his breast pocket before the taped Q&A.  "This woman gave it to me.  It was was a strange gift, but I didn't want to offend her.  Then later, I kept getting wafts of the thing, and it made me tear up.  Looking back, it had to have been sabotage by a rival campaign."  He added, "I'm not normally that weak."
    This would not be the first time Gingrich has blamed crying on onions.  At last year's Mackinac Policy Conference, Gingrich, pictured above, had an onion slice firmly secured in his breast pocket and was visibly misty-eyed.  At the time, Gingrich's team claimed the onion, "Had slipped out the back of a hoagie."

ATLANTIC, IA - A Ron Paul enthusiast asked the Texas Congressman about Fort Knox today “Would you reveal as president whether they actually have gold there?”
Paul's response - "Before gold I'd look for that fella Odd Job from the James Bond movie.  I've always wondered if that was a Hollywood set or the real thing... But if it's the real thing, obviously there's a lot of gold there."  

PENN HILLS, PA - Store owner Walter Fauntleroy released merchant copy receipts of Rick Santorum's over one thousand purchases at Fashion Bug, a hip clothing stop in the Penn Hills Shopping Center.  "I unloaded all our St Andrews Silk and Cotton V-necks on him in November. He's defiantly a Brooks Brothers fan."

CENTRAL IOWA - Rep. Michele Bachmann promised a group of supporters on Tuesday that she will not blink or shut her eyes until after the Iowa caucuses on Jan. 3rd.  In the words of Bachmann's Iowa campaign manager Eric Woolson, "If we can turn this contest into a staring contest, Congresswoman Bachmann can't possibly lose."

_PORTSMOUTH, N.H -  "At our house we watch a lot of T.V Land and when I learned that Gingrich missed the primary sign-up, I couldn't help but think of the time Lucy was in the chocolate factory... So, I mean, you know, you gotta get it organized." When asked what classic sitcom Romney would compare his campaign to, without hesitation he said,  "Silver Spoons."