Fmr. Pres. Bush (middle) helps Gluey Bush (right) kick off his campaign.
CRAWFORD, TX - George H.W., George W., and now Gluey? Gluey Bush today officially kicked off his campaign to be the GOP's 2012 presidential nominee at the Crawford, Texas ranch of his third cousin, Former President George W. Bush.
"If Gluey could talk, he'd tell all you fine folks here today that he is a candidate for the Republican nomination for president," announced Remy Beauregard, 66, a veteran campaign strategist and Gluey surrogate.
President Bush accompanied Gluey, who was wearing a child's Spider-Man Halloween costume, as he took to the stage after his introduction by Beauregard. "If there's one thing I've learned," said President Bush, "real leadership can't be measured by I.Q. points or basic motor skills. Real leadership comes from the content of one's character. Lucky for you, me and my dad didn't use up all the leadership in our family. We've got a great president-in-waiting right here, and his name is Gluey."
The event took an unfortunate turn later in the day when, during the candidate's meet and greet, a car backfired, sending Gluey into a frightened rage; Gluey bit one woman on the arm, then charged a family attempting to flee, injuring two. Gluey's handlers managed to sedate him, and the event ended 20 minutes ahead of schedule.
As Gluey was escorted away, President Bush was asked if he thought his cousin's severe intellectual deficiencies would be a liability for him going forward. "Gluey's his own man," replied Mr. Bush. "No one should compare him to me."