WASHINGTON - A day after President Obama's second presidential inauguration, it was revealed by multiple sources involved behind the scenes at the event that Mr. Obama did not deliver his address live, and instead relied on an audio recording.  The address, which was initially greeted with much praise from the president's supporters and detractors, alike, now threatens to become a scandal for the freshly sworn-in chief executive.
     "I can tell you, having worked in the control room, that the president was lip-syncing his speech," said Gary Johanssen, an audio engineer who told the UK's Daily Mirror he personally hit play on the recording the president's chief of staff gave him earlier that day.

CLEVELAND - During a campaign appearance with his running mate, Rep. Paul Ryan in Ohio on Wednesday, Gov. Mitt Romney had particularly kind words for Ryan, specifically his physical appearance, referring to the congressman with names like 'dreamboat' and 'hunk'.
     "Let's give a big hand to my running mate in this campaign, Mr. Hottie over here," said Romney, after his introduction by Ryan at a GM plant.  "We're all going to have to brush our teeth after eating so much eye candy."
     Even as Romney ostensibly turned his attention to the issues, his stump speech was peppered with unscripted references to Ryan's looks.

CHARLOTTE, NC - Ardent Obama supporters who waited months, even years to hear the president speak were crushed beyond reason Thursday night, when President Obama failed to deliver the greatest speech in the history of man.  Obama's oratorical skills being what they are, convention-goers, reporters and pundits, alike, were united in their disappointment as they listened to Mr. Obama give an optimistic, workmanlike address that fell short of being the most perfect thing he or anyone else has ever said.
     "We all came in knowing that this was going to be the speech," lamented Senate candidate and former Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine.  "Obama knocked it out of the park in '04, '08, election night, the inaugural, and kept getting better and better.  But this?  A thoughtful framing of modest proposals?  I don't know how we're all supposed to go on living."